What You Cannot Control…

I sit by my phone & have texted that child 10 times already and he does not text back to let me know he is alive.

As I get more worried and angry at the event that happens weekly. I think to myself that I remember when someone mentioned to me that parenting does not end after they become adults. And why oh why does he always do this to me.

I am just tired of it and then it hits me. Why do I need to know right at this moment if he is ok?

It gives me a sense of control.

Somehow I can compartmentalize that moment when they text me.

Jess ok. Check. Lee is ok. Check. Ed is ok. Check.

I have checked on my peeps and my sense of order and security that all that I consider mine are good and safe.

But why do I need this?  

Because it gives me a false sense of security?

Because it proves that I care?

Because it gives me peace of mind for a minute?

He does end up calling me after I have worried and thought the worse. And when he comes in asks me, “What was the big rush to get in touch with me?”

And I can’t answer. I suddenly realize that I need to stop worrying so much, that I cannot affect any bad thing that might happen to him or any of my boys as much as I might want to.

I can just hope that I have one more day, one more moment, one more text. And instantly I realize something that everyone says almost every day either on a Facebook meme out there to find.

Be grateful for the people around you and "when" they are around you, never miss the opportunity to let them know just how wonderful you think it is for them to be in your life. So that if somehow the unimaginable happens, you don’t need to beat yourself up about not being able to control it.

And let them live their lives hoping that nothing bad befalls them but let them live fully and make sure that the last moment you spend with them is not a moment regretted.

Thanks for listening to my thoughts!! J